Real. Life. Now.

Police brutality is a crime, from '68 to zero nine.

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 05:20:50 GMT

I'm holding up the picture of the pigs at the 68 riots, behind the cop on the left. Mike is next to me, screaming of course. We went to this protest against the pigs' reunion; the article says the protest lasted an hour but actually we marched for several hours afterwards in the streets, blocking traffic and pissing off the police. It was really intense... there were a bunch of cop cars trying to block us off, they were trying to shove us on the sidewalk, but we wouldn't. We became very much an angry mob.

Here's a biased article/video with more information. Essentially, the cops who were busting the skulls of young protestors at the 1968 DNC in Chicago were holding a reunion. These were the same racist cops who beat Puerto Rican protestors two years earlier, and the cops who were likely to have murdered Fred Hampton and Mark Clark of the Black Panthers. I personally think that's disgusting, and that they have no right to revel in the violations of civil rights that they caused. There were people of all ages and backgrounds there, including veterans from the '68 protests. It was really awesome and we TOTALLY WON against the police. They tried to shut down our march and we didn't let them. We got all the way down town to Union Station. What were they going to do, beat people protesting against police brutality for walking in the street?

Do this

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:01:06 GMT

vote for daphaknee, especially if you don't care either way.

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 13:21:23 GMT

http://facebook.com/uterus

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 04:48:44 GMT

I want to know if I'm weird and/or the only person who does this; I usually wear an outfit during the day to work/school, then come home and change into something else. I tend to repeat this second outfit the next day for work/school, and then come home and change again. Repeat into infinity.

Also I stole this totally awesome quiz from uncreative:

Quizzes Girls Games

Fuck the new Spock, I want some dericious Leonard Nemoy.

Squee

Thu, 21 May 2009 22:28:40 GMT

My blog has really taken off.

Google search:
feminist musicians - 4th result
radical feminist advice - 1st result
everything you need to know about the menstrual cycle - 2nd result
evolutionary psychology is bullshit - 4th result

Lots of hits from search phrases involving the words "plan b" and "menstrual cycle." When you add the word "feminist" to the search phrase, I get lots of hits for "Regina Spektor," "Patti Smith," "Liz Phair," "nice guy," "dating advice," etc.

I'm sure this is boring for everyone else but it makes me incredibly happy to know that I have ascended the ranks of feminists on the internet, as well as created a lot of valuable resources. It's also good to know that my blog pops up on a number of searches that have nothing to do with feminism at all.

Where the fuck would I be today if it weren't for blogging

Thu, 21 May 2009 20:23:00 GMT

The only times I ever go to Detroit are Christmas and DEMF.

Going to get a new phone momentarily since I dropped mine in a puddle. So it will be possible to reach me this weekend.

SOUTH PARK: CANNABLISS

Sat, 16 May 2009 06:07:03 GMT

(This is my final for my TV Writing class; we had to write an entire script for an existing series that's currently in production. If you know a way for me to get this to Matt Parker and Trey Stone, by all means! This is not in industry format due to lj formatting complications in combination with the fact that I'm sort of a beginner at this... copyright pending)

SYNOPSIS:
Towelie has cleaned up his act and found a new lease on life after the Cartmans take him under their wing. Meanwhile in California, the ever-worsening economy presents Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger with an opportunity to legalize weed and seize an entire market demographic of stoners. Towelie's simple life becomes much more complicated when Schwarzenegger recruits him as Administrator of Drug Tourism, and little do they know that Ronald Reagan intends to continue to fight the war on drugs, even in death.

FLASHBACK INT. MOVING CAR -- AFTERNOON

TOWELIE and two stoner friends, CHET and JEROME (both early-20s) are driving through mountain scenery, smoking a joint. Towelie is behind the wheel. Phish is playing on the radio.

CHET: Hell yeah! I'm so glad we finally got out of L.A.!

JEROME: Yeah! What a fucking stink hole.

TOWELIE: You said it. Everyone out there just trying to make it... life is so hard.

CHET: Not anymore it's not! Denver is the perfect place for us. Lots of fresh mountain air, beautiful scenery--

JEROME: And the dankest bud this side of the Mississippi! Pass that shit!

Chet passes Jerome the joint. Jerome takes a hit.

JEROME: Hey, Towelie, wanna shot gun?

TOWELIE: (Mumbling) I gotta keep my eyes on the road man gotta focus... (gibberish)

JEROME: Chet?

CHET: You know it, babe.

Chet and Jerome start making out -- "shot gunning" smoke.

TOWELIE: (Still mumbling) I didn't know you guys were fucking queers what the fuck man I am way too stoned for this

The car veers off a mountain cliff, rolls down a ledge, lands upside down and explodes. Towelie crawls out of the wreckage.

TOWELIE: What happened? Where is everybody?

He notices a sign that says SOUTH PARK, 5 MILES and begins walking.

INT. TOY STORE -- AFTER SCHOOL

Towelie, cleaned up, is finishing telling a story to STAN, KYLE, KENNY, and CARTMAN. Cartman seems fascinated by his every word while Stan and Kyle are impatient.

TOWELIE: ...And that's why you boys should stay away from marijuana and all other harmful carcinogens.

STAN: Or else we'll die in a car accident?

TOWELIE: That's the least of your worries! What you should really be afraid of is turning out gay!

KYLE: So does that mean that every gay person is also a drug addict?

TOWELIE: That's right! And God hates them both!

STAN: (frustrated) Alright, Towelie, just give me my baseball cards and spare me the moral lecture.

Towelie takes Stan's money and gives him the baseball cards.

TOWELIE: You boys all play safe now!

CARTMAN: Bye Towelie, I'll see you at dinner!

EXT. STORE FRONT/MAINSTREET -- CONTINUOUS

The boys are walking down the street.

STAN: I'm not sure how much I like Towelie when he's sober.

CARTMAN: That's a horrible thing to say, Stan! Towelie has turned his life around since he's kicked his drug habit! He's got a steady job and a renewed faith in God and, most importantly, a family.

KYLE: Bullshit! You're only letting Towelie stay with you because he works in a toy store and you think he can hook you up with free stuff!

KENNY: (inaudible) That and Mrs. Cartman's fucking him.

Stan and Kyle laugh.

CARTMAN: Hey! Screw you guys! We'll see who's laughing when I'm the first person in South Park to get the new Zombies vs. Robots game for the Gamesphere. Then you guys will know the true meaning of family when everyone all of the sudden thinks I'm the coolest kid in school.

The boys walk by a TV store. The sets in the window are broadcasting a press conference with GOV. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.

KYLE: Hey, isn't that the Kindergarten Cop?

STAN: Yeah! What's he talking about?

INT. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE -- SIMULTANEOUSLY

Schwarzenegger is delivering a press conference from his office.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Good evening all my little citizens. It is I, Arnold, governor of the finest state in the Union. Unfortunately, recent economic downturns have delivered a great burden upon our country and the fine state of California is no exception. Therefore, in order to save our economy from certain disaster that would cause the rest of the world to perish, we have had to take some drastic measures. Weed will be fully legalized in order to create industry, jobs, and tax revenue in hopes of fixing our massive deficit. Stoners will no longer be publicaly mocked by the likes of Christian stand-up comedians and will instead be rewarded for their contributions to society. In addition, in keeping with California's tradition of a tremendous tourism industry, new developments will be developed to cater to the interests of drug users, especially those in Wyoming. Starting today at 4pm, it will be deemed unconstitutional for any arrests to made for the personal usage of marijuana. (Checks watch) Woo!

Snoop Dogg begins playing, hot black chicks in bikinis come out and start dancing, and Schwarzenegger lights up a fat blunt.

SCHWARZENEGGER: I'm so glad I don't have to pretend to be offended anymore!

INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM -- LATER

Towelie, Mrs. Cartman and Cartman are eating dinner. They seem like a happy family.

MRS. CARTMAN: How was school today, Pookie?

CARTMAN: It was great! At recess we found this dead bird that was all squished and we took it and threw it at Wendy and it hit her right in the face--

The doorbell rings.

MRS. CARTMAN: Ooh, who could that be at this hour?

INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - FRONT HALL - CONTINUOUS

Mrs. Cartman opens the door to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

MRS. CARTMAN: Oh my! Governor Schwarzenegger! To what do I owe this pleasure?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Good evening, Mrs. Cartman. I am looking for a Mr. Towelie.

Towelie appears in the door.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Good evening, Mr. Towelie. It is a pleasure to meet you.

TOWELIE: You're a horrible person! Weed nearly destroyed my life and everything in it! I can't believe you would do something so immoral, so inconsiderate to others!

SCHWARZENEGGER: I heard from my secretary that you hold the title in California for creating the Most Creative Smoking Apparatus?

TOWELIE: I made it out of a funoodle and an old Jefferson Airplane album sleeve. So what? Those days are over.

SCHWARZENEGGER: California needs someone with your vision to help shape the marijuana industry. I'm asking you to become Administrator of Drug Tourism.

TOWELIE: Fat chance! And give up everything I've got going on here? Let me tell you -- I left California five years ago and haven't looked back since! I've got a family who loves me and friends who see the real me!

SCHWARZENEGGER: So I guess that the five hundred thousand dollar salary doesn't interest you?

TOWELIE: No, I've changed -- wait, that's half a million dollars?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Yes. Although I am sure it is modest for your income now.

Cartman shows up in the doorway.

CARTMAN: Hey! Weren't you in that movie with Danny DeVitto where you played a pregnant man?

SCHWARZENEGGER: (Beat) It is true.

CARTMAN: (Laughing) Fucking pussy.

TOWELIE: (ignoring Cartman) Money isn't good enough to change my mind! I have... things... I believe in now!

CARTMAN: Yeah! Drugs are bad!

SCHWARZENEGGER: I see. Well, I guess I have your answer then. You mind if I just hang out here for a minute? It was a long helicopter ride.

MRS. CARTMAN: Oh I don't see any problem.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Great.

Towelie turns to go inside. Schwarzenegger takes out a joint, lights it, and exhales in his direction. Towelie inhales deeply.

TOWELIE: Is that...?

SCHWARZENEGGER: (smoking) Indeed. California-bred chronic. The strand coveted by the rest of the United States.

Towelie turns back, under the spell. Schwarzenegger waves the joint around seductively.

TOWELIE: I remember it like it was just yesterday...

CARTMAN: Hey! Towelie! Remember all that you've done with yourself! You can't leave me now! Not over one little joint!

TOWELIE: You're right, Cartman! (To Schwarzenegger) You're trying to trick me!

SCHWARZENEGGER: There is no trick. It can all be yours.

He gestures and an aide opens the helicopter, which is full of weed.

SCHWARZENEGGER: If you accept my offer you will have unlimited access to all the danky nuggs you could ever desire!

Towelie stops for a moment, mesmerized and drooling a little bit. He then rushes inside Schwarzenegger's helicopter.

TOWELIE: Oh boy oh boy! When do I start?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Good evening, Cartmans.

Schwarzenegger gets into the helicopter and they fly away.

CARTMAN: Fucking assholes!

INT. HELICOPTER -- CONTINUOUS

As the helicopter takes off, Towelie is rolling around in a giant pile of weed as Arnold Schwarzenegger tells him his duties and responsibilities as Administrator of Drug Tourism.

SCHWARZENEGGER: As Administrator of Drug Tourism, your job is to shape a new world-class marijuana industry, as well as establish our fine state as the cutting edge of drug culture--

TOWELIE: Don't worry. I already know just what to do. It's been a dream of mine since childhood -- to create something capable of joining childlike naivety with the magic of drugs. Something like Disneyland only the main attraction is the biggest food court in the world.

SCHWARZENEGGER: That sounds perfect! What will you call it?

TOWELIE: Well, in my fantasy I called it "Woz" because I thought of the idea when I was listening to Dark Side of the Moon synched up to the Wizard of Oz, and it stands for Weed Oz, but now that I'm sober that sounds like a terrible idea.

Schwarzenegger holds out a joint.

TOWELIE: But maybe if I get a little high...

Towelie smokes up. His eyes get bloodshot and he stares off into space.

SCHWARZENEGGER: ...Well?

TOWELIE: (Stoned, laughing) How the fuck did you get this job man?

EXT. BUS STOP -- THE NEXT MORNING

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are making a snow man. Cartman comes up, looking exhausted.

STAN: Whoa, Cartman. What's up? You look terrible.

KENNY: (muffled) The sound of his mom dry-humping a towel probably kept him up all night.

Stan and Kyle laugh.

CARTMAN: Shut the fuck up Kenny! It's not funny.

Cartman starts crying. The boys get concerned.

KYLE: Hey, dude! What's going on?

CARTMAN: Towelie left us and now I can't get my videogame! (Prolonged sobbing) I just wish I had a father.

STAN: (Comforting) Hey, man. It'll all be okay. We're here for you. Where did Towelie go?

CARTMAN: (Controlling his sobs) Arnold Schwarzenegger came and took him away on a helicopter full of weed.

STAN: (Beat) Bullshit!

INT. TOWELIE'S OFFICE -- MORNING

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Towelie (who has sobered up) walk into the new tricked out office of the Administrator of Drug Tourism. The office has a rain forest theme, complete with animatronic gorillas and a waterfall.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Welcome to your new office.

TOWELIE: Wow! (Admiring) It is not until this very moment that I realized what the phrase "America the Beautiful" truly meant.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Yeah, and together, Towelie, we are going to be the two richest celebrity politicians in the world.

TOWELIE: Awesome! Can I go swimming in there?

SCHWARZENEGGER: As long as you don't forget to bring a towel.

INT. STAN'S LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman are watching a news broadcast.

REPORTER: (On television) Breaking news -- Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made the radical decision yesterday afternoon to legalize weed, in what he claims is an effort to save California's failing economy. Rumor is that Governor Schwarzenegger has already created several new government branches in respect to this morally-ambiguous decision, and has appointed a towel as administrator of drug tourism.

INSERT: OVS box depicts Towelie riding a giant dolphin with a caption that reads DON'T FORGET TO BRING A TOWEL!

REPORTER: Plans to construct Cannabliss Canyon, an adult-themed amusement park, are currently underway. Unfortunately the San Diego Zoo is being demolished in order to make room for the new park.

CUT TO: footage of the zoo animals being turned loose into the streets, mauling civilians immediately.

REPORTER: (CONT) The food court of the former zoo has already been transformed into the eighth largest buffet in the world, and a aquatic rollercoaster known as The Bubbler is currently being assembled. These hasty preparations are being made in order to attract potential investors, some of whom have been invited to attend an informational conference at the park this weekend.

INSERT: OVS box depicting Tom Green gorging on a giant hotdog.

STAN: Wow, I guess Cartman was right.

CARTMAN: Of course I'm right!

REPORTER: (CONT) Governor Schwarzenegger has already received a lot of backlash from the conservative right even though he is a member of the Republican party. He has responded to the controversy by noting that the marijuana industry will be heavily taxed to discourage wide public use, and that the taxes will be used to improve public school systems, as well as teaching illegal aliens English so you can actually have a friendly conversation with your housekeeper.

CARTMAN: That fucking German asshole! I swear to god every time something completely unethical happens in this world the Germans are behind it! First, they have to go and destroy the Roman Empire! Why would anyone do that?! The Roman Empire was fucking sweet! They had Colosseums where Jews would be forced to fight lions to the death!

STAN: I don't think he's German.

KYLE: (Angered) Barbarians destroyed the Roman Empire. Germans were behind the Holocuast.

CARTMAN: Kyle, the Holocaust is a fairy tale Jewish people tell their kids at night to explain why their religion sucks so much.

KYLE: Are you fucking serious?!

STAN: It seems like Arnold Schwarzenegger just wants to make the world a better place. I mean, he's doing what he has to save his economy!

KYLE: (To Cartman) Just because you think my religion is stupid doesn't justify the murder of millions of Jews!

CARTMAN: Oh my god! You're right! I see everything clearly now!

KYLE: You do?

CARTMAN: Yes! In order to save the world from eternal hell fire, we have to save the economy!

STAN: What?

CARTMAN: Yeah! Come on, guys! Think of all the lives that will be corrupted by drugs! Think of all the animals losing their homes to the frenzy of industry! Think of all the tax dollars wasted on Mexicans!

KYLE: But what can we do, Cartman? How can we save the economy!

SERIES OF SHOTS: RESEARCHING

--STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN, AND KENNY are in a library, reading books and pacing.

--STAN looks outside the window at BUTTERS, playing with a basketball by himself.

--CARTMAN has a stern and determined expression.

--The boys look through a huge Atlas of California.

--CARTMAN is making blue prints.

--The boys are standing on a street corner, asking passerbys to sign a petition and being rejected.

--The boys are watching The OC. Kenny is having a very emotional reaction to the show.

--The boys are in the library, studying, taking notes. Kyle breaks down under the pressure; Cartman comes over and slaps some sense into him.

--Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are standing on a street corner trying to get signatures for the petition, more desperate. They try to wave down a truck, who ignores them. Kenny jumps out in front of the car but the driver doesn't notice and, unfortunately, kills Kenny. The driver eagerly signs the petition.

--Cartman is making graphs and charts.

--Stan is making a Power Point presentation while Cartman watches over his shoulder.

--Stan and Kyle are on a street corner; they have propped up Kenny's dead body and have attached a sign that reads MARIJUANA KILLED MY FRIEND. Hoards of people are signing the petition.

--Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are standing over the completed graphs, petition, and stacks of notes, looking content.

--The boys board an airplane headed to California.

--Later that night, Kenny's body is rotting in the street

INT. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE - the next afternoon

Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are in the middle of giving their presentation on how to save the economy to Schwarzenegger and his ASSISTANT.

CARTMAN: ...As you can see, improving infrastructure and creating a more efficient, revolutionary state-wide public transit system will not only help to create jobs, but place California on a global pedestal--

STAN: ...And by raising taxes on California crops such as a cotton and dairy, we can pump money back into the original agricultural industries that serve the rest of America.

The final slide flashes on the screen -- an American Flag with a picture of Kenny's rotting corpse superimposed, with a caption that reads "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH." The boys beam and wait for Schwarzenegger to respond.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Wow! You boys sure are smart!

He gestures to his assistant who hands a gift bag to the boys. The boys open the bag, which contains an AUTOGRAPH of Schwarzenegger circa 1980s, a TICKET to Legoland, and a BUMPER STICKER that reads: CALIFORNIA, THE SUN BAKED STATE.

STAN: What is this shit?

SCHWARZENEGGER: I want to give you a token of my appreciation for your time, and I hope you enjoy your visit to the bountiful state of California.

STAN: But, we just gave you a full proof plan to fix your economy without having to legalize marijuana! And you'd still have enough money left over to improve public school systems!

SCHWARZENEGGER: It is true. There's only one little huge oversight that changes things completely.

Schwarzenegger snaps his fingers, and his assistant runs off to get something.

STAN: What?

The assistant returns with a bong, hands it to Schwarzenegger and lights it for him. Schwarzenegger takes a hit.

SCHWARZENEGGER: (Exhaling a ton of smoke) The part where I can smoke weed free of judgment.

KYLE: But we thought you had to legalize weed to save the economy.

SCHWARZENEGGER: (Stoned) Sure, it will save the economy, but mostly the recession creates a circumstance for radical change. What I'm doing is liberating Americans all over the world!

ASSISTANT: California is the greatest country in the world!

CARTMAN: How could you say that! Haven't you ever watched a single episode of Intervention?

STAN: Maybe the governor has a point. Besides, Lego Land is awesome!

KYLE: Yeah! Let's get out of here and go!

SCHWARZENEGGER: My assistant will drive you.

KYLE: Sweet!

Stan, Kyle, and the assistant all head towards the door.

KYLE: (CONT) You coming, Cartman?

CARTMAN: No, no, I think I need to have a little talk with the man in charge here.

Stan and Kyle exit. Schwarzenegger's polite expression has not wavered. Cartman looks him up and down.

CARTMAN: This is a pretty nice office you got here, Arnold. You can tell you put a lot of thought into the little details when you were decorating. What's that you got there?

SCHWARZENEGGER: This is a water pipe.

CARTMAN: Oh wow, that's really great. Mind if I take a look at it?

Arnold hands the bong to Cartman, who inspects it for a minute, before smashing it against the desk.

CARTMAN: Do you have any idea how irresponsible you are?! You should be out there, working to replenish our economy, and here you are, the American dream going up in smoke! I thought you were a politician I could trust. I thought you were a republican. Ronald Reagan is rolling over in his grave!

Cartman storms out of the office. Schwarzenegger, nonchalant, pulls out another bong and takes a hit.

EXT. GRAVEYARD -- LATER THAT NIGHT

Clouds part to reveal the light of the full moon. Thunder crashes overhead, creating an ominous tone. A group of MORMONS have gathered around a grave, listening to a LEADER who is reading out loud from a very old book. All are dressed in black.

MORMON 1: Hurry, the storm is coming!

LEADER: O, ye who has rested many years with a smile on his face, now it is time to rise again and lead us all into glorious and righteous light again, out of these times of contempt, sin, and poverty! Rise again, O Lord, and end the bloodthirsty war you started so many years ago.

The leader closes his book. Thunder crashes again and it begins to rain. The crowd disperses.

LEADER: (aside) Arnold Schwarzenegger thinks he can institute laws that offend us. Well, we'll show him. America is a Land of Our God!

MORMON 1: Hurry! Leader! We mustn't be here when he arrives!

The Mormon and the leader run off. Moments later, A rotting hand emerges through the dampened ground, clawing at the night air. Lightning strikes, illuminating the name printed on the grave: RONALD REAGAN.

End Act 1

ACT 2

INT. RONALD REAGAN LIBRARY -- MORNING

A FATHER, MOTHER, DAUGHTER and SON are taking a tour of the library. They are walking through a wax museum with various wax reproductions of Ronald and Nancy Reagan. They come to a scene depicting Gorbachev and Reagan shaking hands, only ZOMBIE RONALD REAGAN has knocked over the figures and is in the midst of ripping off Gorbachev's head.

MOTHER: Oh, look, this one moves!

FATHER: (taking a picture) Wow! So historically accurate!

The family continues walking. Once their backs are turned, Zombie Ronald Reagan stops attacking Wax Gorbachev, turning his attention to the unsuspecting family.

EXT. FOGGY ROAD -- SAME MORNING

Kyle and Stan (who have souvenirs from Legoland), along with Cartman, are being driven down a private road by Schwarzenegger's aide back to the airport. The air is foggy and dark.

KYLE: Cheer up, Cartman. Even if we didn't convince Towelie to come home, we still had a really fun time at Legoland!

CARTMAN: I don't have time for fun and games anymore. Not in a world where people choose gluttony and greed over friendship and promises.

STAN: Towelie will come around eventually. I'm sure he'll more than make it up to you, Cartman.

KYLE: He's going to have way more money than he ever could have working at that crappy toy store!

A hunched figure is seen up the road. The aide slows the car down.

AIDE: It looks like someone's hurt.

The aide parks the car, shining the headlights on the male figure, which is bent over something, his clothes torn and bloody.

AIDE: Oh my god! Boys, stay in the car.

The aide gets out of the car and approaches the figure.

AIDE: Hey, mister, are you alright?

The figure doesn't respond, so the aide rests his hand on his shoulder. The man's face turns to reveal it's ZOMBIE RONALD REAGAN, who is eating the brains of an unconscious man. The aide screams, before being attack by Zombie Ronald Reagan, who eventually throws the aide into the windshield of the car. The boys scream.

AIDE: (Last dying breath) Boys, run back to the governor! Tell him (choking) it's... time--

Zombie Ronald Reagan pounces on the aide from behind, ripping off his head, and roaring. It is obvious Ronald Reagan is no ordinary zombie.

STAN: Oh my god!

KYLE: What do we do?

CARTMAN: Stay calm, men. We've played enough videogames to know that if you don't have any weapons, you have to barricade yourself from a zombie, and we're pretty safe in here.

Zombie Ronald Reagan looks up from his feast to see the small children in the car, and smashes the windshield with his bare hand. The boys scream and run out of the car. Zombie Ronald Reagan chases them, running on all fours. Cartman is falling behind, until suddenly, a car pulls up. ANGELINA JOLIE swings open the passenger door.

ANGELINA: Hurry, boys!

Stan and Kyle leap into the car. Cartman quickly waddles up, out of breath and heaving, and climbs into the car, slamming the door shut just in time. The car speeds away.

INT - ANGELINA'S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Angelina are all crammed into the front seat. Cartman is trying to catch his breath, practically laying on top of Kyle.

ANGELINA: That was a close call, boys. You're lucky I came when I did.

KYLE: Get the fuck off of me!

Stan and Kyle climb into the back seat.

CARTMAN: Who are you?

ANGELINA: I'm the actress and UN Ambassador Angelina Jolie.

CARTMAN: Where are you taking us?

ANGELINA: Back to Governor Schwarzenegger. I have to alert him to the zombie outbreak immediately.

CARTMAN: Zombie outbreak?

ANGELINA: The Mormons resurrected Ronald Reagan to fight the war on drugs.

A zombie throws itself at the car, clinging onto the hood.

ANGELINA: (To Cartman) Take the wheel.

Angelina takes a club out of the glover compartment, rolls down the window and leans out. She clubs the zombie in the head until it falls off the car.

ANGELINA: (Taking the wheel again) It's spread already.

KYLE: Ms. Jolie, I have a question. How does this "war on drugs" prevent people from doing them?

ANGELINA: (Beat) By killing them.

CARTMAN: ...So the drugs can't! Genius!

INT. TOWELIE'S OFFICE -- SAME MORNING

Towelie, just awaking, walks into his glorious office wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Some babes in bikinis are swimming in his waterfall lagoon. There are some groupies smoking weed on a leather couch. A maid brings Towelie a White Russian. Towelie sips as a joint is passed to him. He takes a hit.

TOWELIE: (Stoned) This is the life!

Suddenly, Angelina Jolie kicks the door open, bloody baseball bat slung over her shoulder, the boys in tow. Everyone but Towelie, who is already too incapacitated to know what's going on, screams and disperses.

ANGELINA: Where's the governor?!

TOWELIE: (Smoking, mumbling) You got the wrong office, man, I just work here, why you so pissed off, man, take a chill pill.

A zombie launches itself through a window, shattering it. It writhes on the floor, covered in broken glass. Angelina backflips over to the body, kicking it in the head. It stops moving.

TOWELIE: I have no idea what's goin' on.

ANGELINA: (Taking Towelie by the collar) I need to see the governor.

JOAN RIVERS appears in the doorway.

JOAN RIVERS: I got here as fast as I could! Where's Arnold?

TOWELIE: He's at... uhh...

Another zombie appears in the doorway. Joan Rivers takes out an assault riffle and blows its head off, then points it at Towelie.

TOWELIE: He's at the park! He's supposed to be meeting with the investors!

JOAN RIVERS: Come on! We have to go!

Joan Rivers and Angelina Jolie turn to escape down the hallway only to discover a zombie hoard approaching.

ANGELINA: We'll climb out the window!

They open the window -- zombies crawling everywhere, as far as the eye can see. Then, overhead, a promising sign -- a helicopter approaches and lowers a rope ladder. AL FRANKEN hangs out the window and gestures for them to climb up.

INT. AL FRANKEN'S HELICOPTER -- CONTINUOUS

Stan, Kyle, and Cartman take their seats as Joan Rivers, Angelina Jolie, JERRY SPRINGER, and Al Franken (who is piloting) converse.

JOAN RIVERS: Thanks, Al, that was a close one!

AL FRANKEN: No problemo.

JERRY SPRINGER: Who are these people you brought with you? Are they infected?!

Jerry Springer grabs Cartman and inspects him, searching for signs of disease.

CARTMAN: Hey! Let go of me!

TOWELIE: Get off my friend!

Towelie fights with Springer until he lets go of Cartman.

TOWELIE: (Pissed) Alright, just who are you people and why are you fighting the zombies?

ANGELINA: We're celebrity politicians--

JOAN RIVERS: --And brilliant activists. We were created to protect our country--

AL FRANKEN: --And entertain it.

Al Franken shoots the helicopter turret at zombies crawling along the roof of the capitol building.

JERRY SPRINGER: The four of us, along with Arnold Schwarzenegger, were created in anticipation of the zombie apocalypse.

AL FRANKEN: On his death bed, Ronald Reagan swore that he would return to defend American ideals if he had to. I guess we've just got two different ideas of what's American -- liberty or control.

JOAN RIVERS: The Mormons have been threatening California for years because of their loose and liberal politics.

ANGELINA: It's been years of give-and-take, and now I guess Schwarzenegger's legislation has pushed them over the edge.

TOWELIE: (Frustrated) Dammit, all I wanted to do was make millions of dollars off of getting stoned!

AL FRANKEN: That's what we all want! It's what's best for America! But some have other ideas.

Cartman approaches Towelie.

CARTMAN: I really appreciate what you did back there for me.

TOWELIE: Huh? Oh, it was nothing.

CARTMAN: You know, Towelie, I'm not going to lie. I didn't come all the way out to California to see you. And I couldn't really care less about the state of California. The entire goddamn thing is infested with hippies. Such a waste. I came out here because I believed you had violated our friendship and that the only way we could right our wrongs was if you gave me the new Zombies vs. Robots for the Gamesphere. But now I see that you don't have to give people free stuff in order to be their true friend.

TOWELIE: Aw, shucks. I'm sorry, Cartman. I didn't mean for drugs to come in between us. I mean, you gave me a home and a loving family when everyone else just hung around me because I had green all the time. (Beat) I'll tell you what. I'll call my old boss at the toy store and pull some strings... but the videogame will be waiting for you when you get back.

CARTMAN: (Overjoyed) Yes!

AL FRANKEN: We're coming up to Cannabliss Canyon right now.

They all look out the window to behold the sight of a man-made mountain, under construction. As they near, they see Zombie Ronald Reagan standing at the top. He lets out a mighty roar, and a huge zombie army appears behind him.

ANGELINA: This isn't going to be easy.

EXT. CANNABLISS CANYON -- SIMULTANEOUSLY

The convention is taking place in an outdoor tent, where Arnold Schwarzenegger stands on a make-shift stage at a podium, explaining the budget plans to INVESTORS, who are baked out of their minds.

SCHWARZENEGGER: One of the most attractive aspects of the park will be its comprehensive food court, which will represent nations all over the world--

Food is brought out to the investors, who immediately perk up at the sight of Chinese food, pizza, funnel cakes, cheeseburgers, and other such junk food. They stare with longing eyes, waiting to be given the signal to eat. But then the sound of the helicopter is heard, and the investors are forced to run for cover as it lands directly in the buffet. The door opens and the four celebrities step out.

ANGELINA: (To the boys & Towelie) You boys stay in here.

Angelina closes the helicopter door and locks it.

SCHWARZENEGGER: What is going on here?

JOAN RIVERS: While you've been doing nothing but sitting on your ass eating funnel cakes and dreaming about drug money, your state has been over taken by zombie outbreak!

SCHWARZENEGGER: (Shocked) So the prophecy was true.

A horrible cry is heard from above. The five look up the mountain to see Zombie Ronald Reagan illuminated in the moonlight, and the dark shadow of his vast army.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Well, what are we all doing, standing around like little girls? (Putting on a pair of shades) It's time to fulfill our destinies.

Arnold Schwarzenegger takes off his suitcoat to reveal a black leather jacket underneath and pulls a rifle out of a nearby vase of flowers, firing it in the air. Zombie Ronald Reagan leads the charge on the five below.

JERRY SPRINGER: (To Joan Rivers) You ready?

JOAN RIVERS: Never been more ready in my life.

The zombies rush down the mountain, swiftly, each letting out horrible cries. Angelina is fighting off zombies with her bare fists; Arnold Schwarzenegger yells at her to get down and shoots Ronald Reagan twice in the chest, but he is unaffected.

Jerry Springer is throwing folding chairs at zombies; he manages to knock down a few, but soon he's surrounded, back up against the helicopter. At the last second, Jerry Springer's hyperjump kicks in. He leaps on top of the helicopter, breaking a blade off the propeller and swinging it down hard on a group of zombies. Al Franken rushes over, drunk with rage, and breaks the turret machine gun off the base of the copter. He fires the turret at the zombies rushing at him as Jerry smashes zombies on the other side.

Joan Rivers is shooting zombies with her assault riffle, until Zombie Ronald Reagan pounces on her and bites her face off, revealing the metal skeleton beneath. Angelina Jolie karate kicks him off, engaging in hand-to-hand combat.

ANGELINA: (To Joan) Are you okay?!

JOAN RIVERS: Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.

CUT TO: INSIDE OF HELICOPTER

The boys watch Joan Rivers as her face regenerates the same plastic face that had been torn off moments earlier.

STAN: Holy shit!

TOWELIE: It's not human! (Beat) Oh, man, all this zombie shit is stressing me out... if only I could get a little high...

Towelie examines the floor with hope until he spots a roach. He immediately lunges at it and takes out a light.

KYLE: Ew, are you really gonna smoke that?

Towelie lights it an inhales.

STAN: Gross, dude.

Towelie begins violently coughing.

TOWELIE: What the hell, this is a wad of chewed gum!

CUT BACK:

Arnold Schwarzenegger, swarmed with zombies, abandons his rifle, choosing instead to pluck the live corpses off his own tremendous body and crush their necks with his bare fists.

Jerry Springer and Al Franken continue to fight off the zombies. Everything seems to be going great until one launches on Jerry from behind. Jerry screams. Al Franken looks up.

AL FRANKEN: No!

In this moment of distraction, Al Franken is swarmed by zombies, and taken to the ground. Jerry Springer manages to kill his lone attacker, leaps down, and uses the turret to kill off the remainder of the zombies swarming around Al Franken's body.

JERRY SPRINGER: Al?

Angelina Jolie, Joan Rivers, and Zombie Ronald Reagan are still fighting. All of the sudden, skin flaps flair up around Zombie Ronald Reagan's head, and he shoots poison out of his mouth, hitting Joan Rivers in the face. Joan crumbles to the ground, while Angelina is agile enough to dodge his attacks, until he leaps into the shadows.

Jerry Springer is kneeling over Al Franken's body. His wiring beneath is exposed and letting out sparks.

AL FRANKEN: (Suffering) Kill me...

Jerry Springer sighs and picks up the turret, aims it at Al's head. Then, Zombie Ronald Reagan leaps out of the darkness and attacks Jerry Springer. After tearing his flesh, he turns his attention to Angelina and Arnold Schwarzenegger, who are finishing off the regular zombies. He charges towards them, hitting Angelina and knocking her over. He attempts to tear off her face, but Angelina opens her mouth wide and wraps her lips around his head. Alas, it is only a few moments before Zombie Ronald Reagan breaks free and snaps her neck.

Eight zombies left against Arnold Schwarzenegger, Zombie Ronald Reager turns his attention to the governor. Schwarzenegger is struggling trying to keep the zombies off and gets nervous as Reagan approaches at a sadistically slow pace.

INT. HELICOPTER -- CONTINUOUS

The boys and Towelie are watching in fear.

CARTMAN: You know the zombies are gonna come for us next as soon as he's dead! (Sobbing) I'm too young to be undead!

TOWELIE: I wish there was something I could do... if only I could--

STAN: --Get a little high? You just smoked a half-digested piece of gum off the floor! Why don't you stop using drugs as a crutch!

TOWELIE: (Offended) Hey man don't judge me I'm just trying to get by I'm just trying to make it ...

Towelie loses his train of thought as his gaze wanders, then falls on a bulldozer with the keys in the ignition. He stares at it for a minute before an idea strikes.

TOWELIE: I got it!

Towelie sneaks out of the helicopter and to the bulldozer. Arnold Schwarzenegger still has two remaining zombies crawling on him as Zombie Ronald Reagan attacks, ripping off Schwarzenegger's forearm and exposing wiring beneath.

STAN: Holy shit!

CARTMAN: (Crying) We're gonna die!

Towelie looks at all the levers with confusion. He thinks for a minute.

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK -- INT. MOVING CAR -- MORNING

Towelie is sitting in the passenger seat, gazing off at the beautiful landscape of Colorado. Jerome is driving while Chet is in the back seat, snoring, and holding a light cigarette.

TOWELIE: Boy, Colorado sure is beautiful. I've never seen anything so untouched by civilization. If I were a retarded manchild, I think I would live over in that wood right there, digging holes and pooping in them all day long.

JEROME: Hey dude, do you think you can drive? I'm wacked out.

TOWELIE: What? I've never driven a car before.

JEROME: Oh, it's easy. You just move the levers and push the pedal until it moves forward.

CUT BACK:

EXT. CANNABLISS CANYON -- MOMENTS LATER

Towelie has an "A-ha!" moment, looking at the controls as if he finally has a purpose in life. He turns on the ignition, pulls the lever, and the vehicle begins moving forward. He looks with determination at Zombie Ronald Reagan mauling Arnold Schwarzenegger's face off (exposing the robotic skeleton beneath).

TOWELIE: I won't let you down, Jerome.

Zombie Ronald Reagan is too distracted with his attack to notice the bulldozer steadfastly approaching. Unfortunately neither does Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they are both crushed into a giant plaster mushroom.

STAN, KENNY, CARTMAN: Hooray!

Stan, Kenny, and Cartman rush out of the helicopter towards Towelie, who is climbing down from his seat.

CARTMAN: Towelie! You did it!

TOWELIE: (Looking at the mushroom) I guess I'm out of the job now.

CARTMAN: I'm sorry, Towelie. I know it's what you really wanted.

TOWELIE: Actually, I'm not sure how much I like California. The people here are selfish, and care only about being better than everyone else. As far as I'm concerned, they can keep their legal weed. I'll still buy it from the dude in the K-Mart parking lot who smells like cat pee.

CARTMAN: Does that mean...?!

TOWELIE: I'm coming home!

Cartman and Towelie embrace. Stan and Kenny are marveling at the sight before them.

KENNY: I've never seen Cartman so happy.

STAN: Yeah. And it's over the worst character ever.

KENNY: For real, dude.

Cartman and Towelie end their embrace.

CARTMAN: I still get my video game, right?

All of the sudden, a noise is heard from the bulldozer. Arnold Schwarzenegger pushes the vehicle away triumphantly with his robotic arms.

SCHWARZENEGGER: Pump it up!

He stands up, half of his flesh torn off, reveling what he really is.

TOWELIE: Arnold! You're okay!

SCHWARZENEGGER: Yes. And we must get to work immediately. The public must never know about this. I'm sure they're already releasing the new Joan and Jerry prototypes as we speak. Joan's face was starting to look too realistic anyway. There aren't a whole lot of Angelinas lying around though... crazy bitch keeps accidentally dying trying to save orphaned baby monkeys from tigers.

TOWELIE: Actually, Arnold, I don't think I'm the right towel for the job. I just want to grow old and die in a small town, never really doing much of anything with myself.

SCHWARZENEGGER: I'm sorry you feel that way, Towelie. I really thought you had it in you. I hope we can still be friends.

He extends a robotic hand, which Towelie shakes. They look at each other thoughtfully for a moment.

STAN: Uh, hey guys, sorry to interrupt this completely weird moment, but I was just wondering, how are we going to get home?

TOWELIE: You just leave that up to me!

Towelie leaps in the air, hovering, suddenly expanding in size. All of the sudden, it's daylight out again. "Find Your Way Back" by Jefferson Starship begins to play. The sky is radiant, full of rainbows, and a bright shiny sun.

TOWELIE; All aboard!

The boys climb on board.

TOWELIE: And away we go!

The four fly off into the sunset.

Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine.

Mon, 04 May 2009 14:26:37 GMT

Holy shit I can't believe how much time I've wasted on the internet over the past day. Homework gives you a purpose for being on a computer, facebook makes you forget that purpose. However, I did make some headway, and my feminist underground music mix/the accompanying essay is now online!

fembeats

The accompanying article here (includes links to places you can listen online if the player above doesn't work).

Also, what if I got the Sutton official family crest tattooed on my breast bone:

The Latin text down there apparently reads "Through Difficulties Serve God in Faith;" I'd probably switch that for the Latin phrase "Through Difficulties Kill Babies with Wire Hangers" or something like that.

The magic of facebook.

Sun, 03 May 2009 19:29:20 GMT

Judge Mathis Tickets
Between You and Gabriel Nieves

Gabriel Nieves
Add as Friend
April 27 at 2:23pm
Report Message
You requested tickets via our website, was wondering if you still are interested in them. Your email was on the request not your phone number...so I took a chance on this site and found you, please call me if you'd like these tickets.

Gabriel Nieves
312-***-****

P.S Columbia College Alum. '04

May day!

Sat, 02 May 2009 04:26:07 GMT

Today me and Mike celebrated our 1 year. We weren't sure of the date we became official but decided May Day was appropriate. It wasn't entirely special, we went to this yuppie-ass expensive sandwich place; it was delicious but we were totally shafted on service, probably because it was pretty obvious that we were the poorest people in there.

Other than that we went to this party hosted by the International Socialist Organization (ISO), whom he's been hanging around lately. It was cool, it took place this old elementary school in Pilsen that's been turned into a Marxist mecca. The speakers were really awesome and friendly, one of them is a publisher, if I meet her again I will probably talk to her about publishing some of my essays. I don't know if I'm much of a socialist, I'm pretty convinced anarchy is the only solution, but I guess it's a bit idealistic, so we'll see. Either way I'm probably going to end up getting involved with their party. Anything to get rid of this stupid government.

She drove 300 miles to clean my apartment for me.

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:52:19 GMT

This weekend has made me realize how much I love and appreciate my mom. No matter what she has always been there for me. She is the only person on the face of the planet that I trust 100%.

(All moved in now. Stop by and visit!)

Lollapalooza line-up

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:04:26 GMT

Lol the Lollapalooza line-up this year is the worst it's ever been. When Perry Ferrel's own band is a head-liner you know you've got shit. I would say TV on the Radio, Andrew Bird, The Decemberists or Of Montreal are redeeming factors but I'm not gonna lie I haven't listened to anything new any of them have put out for about the past four years.

Snoop Dogg will probably be baller though.

I feel like some misplaced Joan of Arc.

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 23:25:07 GMT

Listening to Patti Smith and reading Charles Simic babbling about where poetry comes from is AWESOME.

"Ah, here I stand again in this old 'lectric whirlwind,
The sea rushes up my knees like flame
And I feel like just some misplaced Joan Of Arc
And the cause is you lookin' up at me.
Oh baby, I remember when you were born,
It was dawn and the storm settled in my belly
And I rolled in the grass and I spit out the gas
And I lit a match and the void went flash
And the sky split and the planets hit,
Balls of jade dropped and existence stopped, stopped, stop, stop.
Little sister, the sky is falling, I don't mind, I don't mind.
Little sister, the fates are calling on you."

"The old equation, word equals objet, is simply a function of habit. In addition, there's the problem of simultaneity of experience versus the linear requirements of grammar. Grammar moves in time. Only figurative language can hope to grasp the simultaneity of experience. Therefore, it's the connotative and not the denotative aspect of language that is of interest, the spark that sets off the figurative chain reaction and transcends the tyranny of the particular."

Bingo!

All of the sudden I feel like my life has meaning again!

edit I changed my default icon for the first time since 2005, as an act of deeper understanding of myself 8)

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 13:41:23 GMT

Okay so this whole media frenzy has pissed me off but LOOK AT HOW CUTE OBAMA'S DOG IS:

Omg!

New blog

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 17:30:36 GMT

http://drugz.tumblr.com

I am going to try to update that more often. So in case you miss me, check that one.

I feel nostalgic for livejournal circa 2005

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:46:50 GMT

I wrote this entry that had a list of all these stupid bands who CD's I bought for cheap and I don't think anyone really cares

I miss being 16 because:

HYMEN OF STEEL

Having interesting things to say on livejournal all the time

Taking hot pictures of my face from flattering angles and being fawned over on the internet for being super JB like every other 16 year old girl on the internet with pix

Music was better four years ago

General immaturity; ie trolling the shit out of people and talking loudly about subject matter of which I was very ignorant

I am almost 20 and will no longer be a baby anymore! :( :( :( :(

Is it sad that 3/5's of the things I miss about being 16 are things to do with the internet? It goes to show you how much of a life I had before I discovered sex and booze.

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 03:52:58 GMT

The Blogalyser reveals...

Your blog/web page text has an overall readability index of 12.

This suggests that your writing style is conventional
(to communicate well you should aim for a figure between 10 and 20).Your blog has 7 sentences per entry, which suggests your general message is distinguished by clarity
(writing for the web should be concise).

CHARACTER MATRIX

male		female
self		world
past		future

Your text shows characteristics which are 54% male and 46% female
(for more information see the Gender Genie).
Looking at pronoun indicators, you write mainly about yourself, then the world in general and finally your social circle. Also, your writing focuses primarily on the present, next the future and lastly the past.
</small>
Find out what your blogging style is like!

My latest abortion rant.

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:01:08 GMT

"Although the science and technology of abortion should be highly accessible in our world, it isn’t. And the reasons why are purely misogynistic – that abortions are not a necessary or important medical procedure, that abortions are murder and are condemned by some arbitrary moral figure or another, or that abortions are an attempt of women to escape their biological destiny. All of these theories have an underlying attitude that to be a woman is to be synonymous with the womb. But to be limited to a bodily function in a complex and diverse society where woman have been able to achieve in all areas is not only outdated, but harmful to the progression of humankind."

read more

:<

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 05:10:43 GMT

Yeah woke up feeling even worse than ever and called in. Went to the doctor, apparently I have a viral infection. My nose has been just a little runny for a while and it's been draining into my throat; the blood was from a bloody nose I had. I've been taking Mucinex but my throat is still killing me, nothing I do makes it feel better. Also, my head and neck are sore since I took that shit, and so I feel a little bit worse.

Mostly I am just fucking bored. I got invited to a party tonight and my sister is playing a concert with her string quartet -- both of those are things I'd love to go to, but there is no way I'm healthy enough to have fun with my friends. Mike was going to come over and bring movies but he doesn't have money for the bus or something like that. I just played Civilization for three hours and am bored with that too.

Sorry this entry is so boring. Apparently this baker in NYC has been making "Drunken Negro" cookies.

I think they look like they are probably super tasty. Am I a bad person?

Post in comments amusing things for me plz so I can be less bored. Only no YouTube videos because I steal internet and my connection isn't fast enough for them.

SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 03:30:27 GMT

Have you ever ruined the ending or given away plot developments in a book, movie, or tv show by telling someone who hasn't seen or read it what happens? Has anyone ever done this to you?

View other answers

Remember when I spoiled that Harry Potter book for everyone I knew?

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:33:29 GMT

Go to your Photobucket (OR WHATEVER ONLINE HOST YOU USE), click on the third to last page in your album, select the third picture on the page. Post and explain.

This is a picture of my mom naked.

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:52:15 GMT

Honestly this blind faith in Obama is really starting to piss me off.

New Blog

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:31:48 GMT

So I started a new blog that I will probably use more than lj. I'm not interested in writing about my personal life regularly now, but I want to write more about current events and such. I also would like to be able to post my writing along with my thoughts, which I don't always feel comfortable doing here. I will still update this but considerably less often. You are all welcome to read, although I haven't posted much yet:

http://fireunderground.wordpress.com

I've also been talking a lot about starting a feminist sex advice column, which I also intend to use this blog for. I intend for it to be reminiscent of Savage Love. If you have relationship or sex questions, please send them to fires.underground@gmail.com with the subject "fireunderground advice."

I will still be updating hydrogenhelium with my poetry whenever I produce more work.

I'm not leaving lj, but making a decision to use lj less. I feel like I've grown out of writing every detail of my life on the internet which is sort of radically different than how I've been living my life since I was 15 or so. I will probably still check my friends page obsessively.

I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOW that I really value all of the e-friendships I've made from using lj and that I don't want to seem like I'm disrespecting you or anything. I guess some times people take lj seriously. Who knew? You are all welcome to IM me or contact me in some other way at any time.

So I made out pretty well this year.

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 19:21:35 GMT

iPod touch 32gb (I have Katamari on my iPod now! How awesome is that?)

Canon Powershot SD770 IS

I also got a lot of other really wonderful things, but those two are definitely the highlight. Although the camera doesn't work and we might have to send it back :/ I have so many microwavable egg cooking things now.

My mom got one of those hydroponic indoor growing things that drug dealers use to grow awesome weed, but she will probably not grow weed with it. I think I am going to ask my gramma for one for my birthday.

Anyway... come over to my house tonight!

So I'm back in Michigan

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:57:03 GMT

and I want to know why I don't remember it ever being this fucking cold. Making two trips to the car to get all my shit inside was excruciating. I'm not leaving my house.

Not to mention the drive here was horrendous. It took us nearly nine hours when usually it takes about five. There was a 30 car pile up and 94 was closed so we had to take this detour. And then it was snowing and windy so it was like being stuck in a sand storm, we couldn't see ANYTHING.

How did I ever live here